On Being Alone Versus Being Lonely

I have been contemplating since this morning whether or not to go out. Pictures of flowers, chocolates, engagement rings, and happy couples are all over different social networking sites. Yes. It's Valentine's Day. A special day that you get to celebrate with your special someone. Hence, the reason that I didn't want to go out in the first place. I guess the masochist in me won. I decided to leave the four corners of my room and face reality. Reality that I'm still alone, without knowing what the future has in store for me.

True enough, as I enter one of the malls in the metro, I see all those ecstatic faces with their love ones, women with flowers or heart-shaped baloons on one hand, and holding the hands of their partners on the other. Restaurants seem to be jam-packed with couples too! There are even some who have themed shirts or color coded outfits while snuggling with each other. Precisely what I need today, right? Yes. This is what I want and what I need. I want to feel the pain, if there's any. I feel the need to test the level of my emotions. As I always tell my friend, "Pain demands to be felt". True, that may be an excerpt from one of the flicks that I watch over and over until now, but this is where I can only prove how strong I am as an individual.

Pathetic and lonely may I sound, I decided to treat myself with my favorite Frappuccino and sat ALONE while I continue to watch people around me. And it hit me once again. I am alone. This is what I want. This is what I want to feel.

I recall reading an article not too long ago on the differences between being lonely from being alone. I believe I can say with conviction that I am not lonely. I am just plain alone. Being alone is not always synonymous to being lonely. Loneliness is a state of mind. You can be alone and still remain happy. I feel empty at times, owing to the fact that I don't have someone special in my life, yet, I also know that it won't do me any good should I continue to feel that way. It's a matter of perception. Thanks to the endless struggle between my functioning mind over my sometimes weak heart that I have already mastered the art of being happy in spite of being alone.

Loneliness, on the other hand, is your choice. You may have been through a lot of heartaches and may have wishfully thought of being special and loved by someone, but it's still up to you. It lies on how you will live your lives. It's up to you if you will hold on to the pain. It depends on you if you will continue to hope, or if you will move on. It's up to you if you will do something to make loneliness turn to contentment. It depends on you.

I faced my fears. I know I am alone and I don't know for how long. One thing I know for sure is that I am not lonely. 😊

posted from Bloggeroid

Believe.

I seldom go out alone. I am always found hanging out and having fun with friends. Feeling of emptiness is the simplest and most realistic reason behind it. Yes, I may look happy at all times but when I get the slighest chance to be by myself, every ounce of sadness starts to get out from the back of my head that I try hard to keep.

As I slowly sip my favorite Frappuccino with my loud music on, the sudden realization sinked in once again: I am alone and I am longing to have someone to be with again. Someone I can laugh my heart out with. Someone I can talk to when I have good or not so good days at work or at home. Someone whom I can be my diary. Someone who can understand my mood swings and my way of living. Someone who knows what I want, whether a cup of hot coffee, or seemingly cold can of soda. Someone who will make time for me no matter what. Someone I can proudly call mine.

I feel envious of happy couples strolling as if they have all the time in the world to be in each other's arms. They all look problem-free when I am here thinking of when I can be in that state again. Will it be in the near future? Or not at all?

I know I constantly remind people that happiness is a choice. However, there are really times that a person can be sad, no matter how strong you are. As they say, "No man is an island", hence, we can not always live by ourselves and we will eventually need someone to be with us.

So, the underlying question is, when will I ever feel that sense of belongingness again?

It's such a difficult phase when you are getting older and older, trying to pretend you're OK in front of everyone when deep inside you are not. I know a lot can relate to how I feel. No matter how hard you try to be happy, you just can't because there's this tiny voice inside your head telling you that you are otherwise.

What's even more difficult is the fact that you get to appreciate things others do for you that you get the wrong signals in the end. You silently hope that someone of the opposite sex is interested in you because of this person's effort in making you feel somewhat special. But in the long run, it's just friendship that he can offer, nothing more, nothing less. You still hope anyway for something else despite knowing and feeling that there's a slim chance of making the friendship turn into something else. So what happens in the end? You get hurt again along the way. Yet, you still continue to wish that there can be an "us". I guess that's really how life is. Sad, yet bittersweet.

And since I am hopeless romantic, I will just keep on hoping for now. I will keep on holding on. I'll try to just go with the flow. Be happy as I can. Take one step at a time. They say if you believe in something, you only need to continue in believing for your wishes and aspirations to come true. It may still be far from reality. Who knows, before I know it, I may have a happy ending after all.

As I sip the last few drops of my drink and as I glimpse at the passers-by, I decided to just really hang on and hope for a miracle. A miracle that will change my perception on life. A miracle that may change my life. 💖

posted from Bloggeroid