In Solitude

Sometimes I can't help but wonder why there are people meant to be together when they don't appear as if they are. I see couples holding hands like nothing can make them fall apart, and looking seemingly through each other's eyes, not caring about everything and everyone around them. The question is, until when will this euphoric feeling last? Are they really destined to be together ever after? Sounds bitter? Yes, I am.

I have friends, people look up to me for having such a strong personality. However, most of the time, it's just a pretense. I am a con-artist. I have already mastered the art of pretending to be happy that I can get a diploma should there be any finishing school that specializes in this category. I may be the happy-go-lucky type for those who know me, but beneath that ecstatic me lies a weak and hopeless romantic being. I feel alone. I feel like nobody can ever reciprocate the love and care I give to anyone. I feel that I'm in a battle alone, without any shield to keep me going. I feel as if no one can ever fathom being in solitary state that I'm in now. And despite the attention I've been getting from the opposite sex, I can sense that it's only going to be just a temporary bliss, an ad interim feeling that will end before I know it. And when it ends, without any doubt, I would go back to being empty-handed.

I feel most alone when I don't have anyone I can turn to when I'm down, when I'm excited to share with someone how my day is. I feel most alone when I come up with realization that what I thought would be mine can never really be mine. I feel most alone when I get envious of someone's unspoken love for someone else, wishing that love is thrown at me instead. I feel most alone when I expect that something good and romantic will blossom out of a beautiful camaraderie, yet remains to be just friends...

Sucks to be me, right?

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