Oh body clock! Everyone is already sound asleep and here I am again in the middle of the night wide awake, reminiscing the days that were and the "what have beens".
Back in the days when I didn't know a lot this world has to offer, I loved the feeling of being inlove. Back then, I would cry a river if my relationship with someone didn't work, to the extent that I would literally be broken into pieces, thinking how unfair life is, then, I would get to meet a new "prospect", would fall inlove all over, then, would eventually get hurt, cry myself to sleep, then find a new one again. Yes, this is a never ending cycle: Finding the man, falling head over heels, losing him, ergo, resume the "searching". I know, I am an epitome of a hopeless romantic, isn't it? Well, you can say that again!
I am not getting any younger but it seems to me that I still haven't outgrown this demeanor: I search, I fall, I give my all, I fail, I break. Then I try again with high hopes then I lose again in the end. I get tired and emotionally drained but I keep on searching and hoping anyway.
What makes falling inlove so special that I can not resist from doing over and over despite knowing that I'd lose the game in the end? What makes heartache so painful that I know is inevitable but I still push myself to it and I end up being hurt in the long run anyway?
Too many questions yet the answers are unfathomable for someone like me up to this point in my life wherein I should have found the answers by now, or at least that someone who will put me at peace. Someone who will put a stop to my unbounded searching. Someone who will make me write happier narratives. Someone who will make me look forward to facing the future no matter how ugly or amazing it looks like.
Everyone tells me to wait. It will happen when it happens. Albeit my impatience, I am still awaiting for that perfect time. What choice do I have anyway but to wait?
My eyes and heart still won't cooperate with my mind which is asking me to call it a night. Just like what I often command myself, to stay happy in spite of what I feel, that is, I will force myself to sleep, to be in deep slumber, maybe I'll find "The One" in my dreams. 💗💗💗
posted from Bloggeroid