Sounds contradicting, right?
You may be asking how in the world can you be selfless and selfish at the same time. Undeniably my exact sentiments then, until it hits me. I am not that selfless. I am also selfish. Selfishly selfless.
I always regard myself as selfless for thinking of others first before myself: family, career, friends, and people I care about. I'd rather see others happy, I'd rather see others succeed that it jeopardizes my own happiness at times. I sacrifice by putting myself aside for the sake of others. Or so I thought.Just a few weeks back, a friend made me realize that I am not that selfless after all as I have my own selfish reasons for "giving my all" which is something I never really thought of in the past.
Selfishness connotes every negative adjective known to mankind: narcissistic, egocentric, egoistic, self-centered, solipsistic, navel-gazing, self-seeking, and list goes on. But as I ponder, being selfish goes hand in hand with being selfless. Both have their altas and deltas. No matter how ironic it may sound that one can be selfless yet be selfish at the same time, it definitely is possible. Just like what they say about the magnets: opposite attracts.
You can only truly say that you are selfless on the following grounds:
1. You are not expecting anything in return: We subconsciously are expecting that what we do gets reciprocated. This may be in different aspects like in helping the needy, we want to be recognized; In being understanding, patient and forgiving to our love ones: we want to be appreciated and be loved in return.
2. You are genuinely happy by making others happy: There should not be, even the tiniest feeling of regret, or a bitter taste of pain when others succeed and become happy because of you.
3. You have reached utmost contentment in life. With that, you give whatever spare you have, may it be financially, emotionally, success, or anything that is extra because you are are already overflowing with what you are sharing with others.
Being selfish is not always negative. Same as being selfless. In this world we live in, one can only do so much. My take on this? Being selfish is the gateway to selflessness, because with being such, you learn to take care of your own personal needs first in order to use that as a collateral at a later time so that you can truly help others.
I will always return to the concept of a life bucket wherein you need to fill it with happiness. How can one do it right? Simple! You just need to spend all of your time to fill up that bucket. Once it's totally full, you can then start filling others' buckets. I'd like to believe that most people don’t have their buckets full, hence, they’re always in the process of trying to fill their buckets as well as everyone else’s and they always fall short because of such.
We can’t give unless we have something to give. Unless we have something extra to give. We need to mix out passion to give with being practical. Therefore, we need to be selfish in order to be selfless. 😉
