Saturday, December 31, 2016

Page 366 of 2016

I can still clearly recall how busy I was during this time of the year last year. I can also remember how I stopped in the middle of the busy night just to use my creative juices into action, that is, to make a new blog. And here I am again, amidst my very "productive" day, trying to think of how my 2016 has been.

Like the previous years, it has been one heck of a roller coaster ride. As expected, this year turned out to be a year full of surprises. I faced lots of challenges, in all aspects: career, family, friends, money, and love. I met people who changed my perception in life. I came across different situations that made me who I am now. This year has been a mixture of sorrow, happiness, disappointments, excitement, realization and hope. That hope that once I close this last page of the chapter of my life, the new chapter will be way better that what it has been.

Seven more minutes before the start of 2017. I hear the noise signaling that this year is really about to end. As I close the last page of this chapter, I want to thank everyone who has been part of this meaningful year.

May we all have a fruitful and blessed 2017!🎉🎉🎉

posted from Bloggeroid

Saturday, December 24, 2016

In Deep Thoughts on a Christmas Day

Everyone I know seems to be in deep slumber after celebrating Noche Buena here in the Philippines. Well, not me. I tried to sleep, yet, I keep on tossing and turning since the time my clock reminded me that it's Christmas, hence, I decided to put my restless mind (and heart) to become productive, that is, to write. 📝📃📄

As what my close and real friends know, I hate Christmas. For some reasons, this time of the year really makes me blue. I try hard not to be sad. I even do not post any negative quotes or the like on social networking sites, but I really can't help but still feel down during this time of the year. Can it be because of my current state in life? Or because of having to spend so much this season? I guess it's more of because I try my best to make others happy that should make me happier but deep inside I have to admit that it makes me sadder. Weird, isn't it?

I keep on reminding myself to love myself more. I even often take a glance on my inked left arm to remind me of this (Don't forget to love yourself), yet, I still do the opposite. I still love more than I can give. End result? I get hurt for doing so. I pretend to be happy but I know I am not. I still feel empty when I know a lot of people love me.

What's weirder is that I am an epitome of a strong woman for some but little did they know how I cry endlessly until I can cry no more. Little did they know that this person whom they look up to, who try not to shed any tear in public, cries a lot alone. Little did they know that this pretentious lady feels unappreciated after exerting too much effort in making others happy.

I don't know if there are people who share the same sentiments as mine. I know, this won't really make me any good. Ergo, I will just continue to be happy for others. Maybe, just maybe, it will make me happy too. Like what I always advise people, happiness is a choice. Even if I feel so sad for feeling unappreciated, even if my self esteem now is lower than the deepest underground, even if I feel as if people I care for force themselves to care for me, I guess I don't have much of a choice but to command my brain to be happy. Hopefully, If I do that, then everything else follows. I hope that I can master the art of being selfless, too. I hope I can start to think of myself and not to love others too much than myself. It's not that bad to hope for something, right? Miracles do happen. I'll just keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

Merry Christmas 🎄 from the forever in deep thoughts blogger. ❤🎉🎅🍻

posted from Bloggeroid

Sunday, March 13, 2016

The Endless Searching For "The One".


Oh body clock! Everyone is already sound asleep and here I am again in the middle of the night wide awake, reminiscing the days that were and the "what have beens".

Back in the days when I didn't know a lot this world has to offer, I loved the feeling of being inlove. Back then, I would cry a river if my relationship with someone didn't work, to the extent that I would literally be broken into pieces, thinking how unfair life is, then, I would get to meet a new "prospect", would fall inlove all over, then, would eventually get hurt, cry myself to sleep, then find a new one again. Yes, this is a never ending cycle: Finding the man, falling head over heels, losing him, ergo, resume the "searching". I know, I am an epitome of a hopeless romantic, isn't it? Well, you can say that again!

I am not getting any younger but it seems to me that I still haven't outgrown this demeanor: I search, I fall, I give my all, I fail, I break. Then I try again with high hopes then I lose again in the end. I get tired and emotionally drained but I keep on searching and hoping anyway.

What makes falling inlove so special that I can not resist from doing over and over despite knowing that I'd lose the game in the end? What makes heartache so painful that I know is inevitable but I still push myself to it and I end up being hurt in the long run anyway?

Too many questions yet the answers are unfathomable for someone like me up to this point in my life wherein I should have found the answers by now, or at least that someone who will put me at peace. Someone who will put a stop to my unbounded searching. Someone who will make me write happier narratives. Someone who will make me look forward to facing the future no matter how ugly or amazing it looks like.

Everyone tells me to wait. It will happen when it happens. Albeit my impatience, I am still awaiting for that perfect time. What choice do I have anyway but to wait?

My eyes and heart still won't cooperate with my mind which is asking me to call it a night. Just like what I often command myself, to stay happy in spite of what I feel, that is, I will force myself to sleep, to be in deep slumber, maybe I'll find "The One" in my dreams. 💗💗💗

posted from Bloggeroid

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