Early Morning Thoughts

I woke up really early today for two reasons: I am ultimately bored for I am out of the office for four days (at the same time being under the weather these past few days) and I want to go to work early to prepare for my new Culture and Communications Training class.

What is it with waking up early or staying late at night that leaves me ponder on the "what might have beens" and "what ifs"? I guess that is anything but normal for someone who is continuously trying to find happiness and contentment.

I can proudly say that I have been through a lot of struggles. There may be countless times that I wish to be in deep slumber that all my problems are gone the moment I open my eyes but I know that I don't have any choice but to face the hard reality.

I believe credit goes to my tolerance to pain which I feel is not as low as the others. I am lucky to have a tough exterior, too, despite my weak interior. I think a lot, just like everyone else. I also feel hopeless at times, hence, wishing to just sometimes evaporate or be in comatose until such a time that life becomes how I want it to be.

Love, friends, trust, and money are what I constantly ruminate on. These four (especially the first and the latter) are too obscure and broad for my tiny brain to handle sometimes. Love, for one thing, is very profound. With regard loving someone romantically, I get mix signals and I become attached to people so easily that I fail in the end. As far as friendship is concerned, on the other hand, I get to a point that I don't know anymore who the real ones are. Trust, meanwhile, is what I give without an inch of doubt but more often than not backfires on me. Then, money, is what I always aim to have to enjoy life and henceforth forget about the first three main points of why I think a lot. But then again, who said that life is fair?

I may not have all the pleasures in life... I may be trying to withstand all the obstacles and may even fall most of the time... I may have a not so strong personality and not too much to offer, but I know that there's a reason for everything that I will continue on trying to uncover.

A new morning, a new life, a new beginning. :)

posted from Bloggeroid

Wake Me Up When September Ends

I know this song was beautifully written by Green Day lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong when his dad died of cancer in September 1982. I can feel his pain especially with these lines:

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends...

I have never lost anyone tragically in the past. Yet, I can relate partly to this song. Or probably just the title itself. I can't wait for September to end! What is it with September? Is it because of the nonstop rain that makes me emotional? Is it due to the turn of events every September for the past couple of years?

Have you ever come to a point in life wherein you wish that reality can just be a bad dream, or a nightmare, that everything is gone and back to normal or how you want your life to be when you wake up?

Looking back, I had this same weird sentiments last year. I also hoped that "September ends" in no time. And it did! Unexpectedly, the affliction that I once felt turned into bliss. Credit goes to this angel who was sent my way from above to guide me in crossing the wobbly road to the feat of acceptance.

Yet, just like this article I read before about angels, they will leave you once their purpose is served, which is to save you. This is exactly the same reason how wistful I am that September ends soon.

Counting the days off and looking forward to October and better days....

posted from Bloggeroid

Celebrating in Solitude

Autophobia, according to Wikipedia, is the specific phobia of isolation. It is the morbid fear of being egotistical, or a dread of being alone or isolated.

Surprisingly, a huge percentage of the people in our soceity fears to be alone. We see this as dreary, depressing and gloomy. We are so scared of being alone that we do things that may backfire on us and will eventually make us feel more alone.

Fear of not having a partner is on top of the list. We feel that it's the end of the world the moment we lose that "someone" for whatever reason. We fear of being "partner-less" that we desperately end up with anyone who we can be dependent on just for the heck of not being alone.

We also fear of being alone in a strange place far away from where we're from. We are scared of getting lost without anyone we can ask help from. We fear of being friendless, thus, we go out with our so-called friends as much as we can. At times, we even excessively use all social networking sites to avoid the feeling of being alone.

Whatever the case is, the fear of being alone is definitely normal. It's fine to be scared of being left alone because as they say, "No man is an island". We certainly need someone one way or the other. Yet, contrary to that statement, we also need to learn how to be self sufficient. We need to learn how to live and enjoy being in solitude.

The joys of being alone are endless. I guess we are just too blinded with the idea of having someone who can meet our emotional needs; Someone whom we can call ours, someone who can give us comfort, and who can care for you.

All we need is to learn how we can cope with being alone. If it's normal to fear aloneness, then, it's also normal to be alone. Being strong-willed, self sufficient, and changing our mindset are the key ingredients if you want to enjoy solitariness.

Learn to find yourself in solitude. Do things you seldom do by yourself: Read books, watch movies, play music travel alone, discover new hobbies. It may take you a long time to get use to it but it's worth the effort. Un-learn the habit of needing someone to be complete. Remember, no one will help you but yourself in the end, ergo, start to enjoy being alone.

Celebrate life in solitude. We all deserve to be happy. :)

posted from Bloggeroid