Sunday, February 7, 2016


I seldom go out alone. I am always found hanging out and having fun with friends. Feeling of emptiness is the simplest and most realistic reason behind it. Yes, I may look happy at all times but when I get the slighest chance to be by myself, every ounce of sadness starts to get out from the back of my head that I try hard to keep.

As I slowly sip my favorite Frappuccino with my loud music on, the sudden realization sinked in once again: I am alone and I am longing to have someone to be with again. Someone I can laugh my heart out with. Someone I can talk to when I have good or not so good days at work or at home. Someone whom I can be my diary. Someone who can understand my mood swings and my way of living. Someone who knows what I want, whether a cup of hot coffee, or seemingly cold can of soda. Someone who will make time for me no matter what. Someone I can proudly call mine.

I feel envious of happy couples strolling as if they have all the time in the world to be in each other's arms. They all look problem-free when I am here thinking of when I can be in that state again. Will it be in the near future? Or not at all?

I know I constantly remind people that happiness is a choice. However, there are really times that a person can be sad, no matter how strong you are. As they say, "No man is an island", hence, we can not always live by ourselves and we will eventually need someone to be with us.

So, the underlying question is, when will I ever feel that sense of belongingness again?

It's such a difficult phase when you are getting older and older, trying to pretend you're OK in front of everyone when deep inside you are not. I know a lot can relate to how I feel. No matter how hard you try to be happy, you just can't because there's this tiny voice inside your head telling you that you are otherwise.

What's even more difficult is the fact that you get to appreciate things others do for you that you get the wrong signals in the end. You silently hope that someone of the opposite sex is interested in you because of this person's effort in making you feel somewhat special. But in the long run, it's just friendship that he can offer, nothing more, nothing less. You still hope anyway for something else despite knowing and feeling that there's a slim chance of making the friendship turn into something else. So what happens in the end? You get hurt again along the way. Yet, you still continue to wish that there can be an "us". I guess that's really how life is. Sad, yet bittersweet.

And since I am hopeless romantic, I will just keep on hoping for now. I will keep on holding on. I'll try to just go with the flow. Be happy as I can. Take one step at a time. They say if you believe in something, you only need to continue in believing for your wishes and aspirations to come true. It may still be far from reality. Who knows, before I know it, I may have a happy ending after all.

As I sip the last few drops of my drink and as I glimpse at the passers-by, I decided to just really hang on and hope for a miracle. A miracle that will change my perception on life. A miracle that may change my life. 💖

posted from Bloggeroid

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