Love plays a major role in our lives. Love may be just a four-letter word but it has the power to hurt us. Just like me, I love unconditionally. I do not set boundaries when I love someone... I fall apart if I get hurt by someone I love dearly... I break into pieces if my relationship with someone doesn't work. I feel as if it's the end of the world and no one would ever love me the way I was loved before..
Why do we keep on holding on? Why do we stay in a relationship when we know ourselves that it is no longer getting anywhere? Why do we play the martyr's role and be stomped and looked down at? Why do we continually hope that it is still going to work when we can already visualize a gloomy and chaotic future in it? A future with a heavy heart plus ceaseless crying? A melancholic future with high chances of being blue for a long time?
How do you let go of this pain? How do you heal your heart if it has been deeply scarred?
It's hard. It's scary. Being in this kind of situation is formidable that we try or even force not to be in this ball game. So what do we do? Nothing... We do not do anything about it... We do not let go. We hold on in spite of the hurt. We hang on, wistfully hoping of making it work the second time around.. And if by any chance it doesn't work again, we try for the nth time and won't still let go...
Why? Is it because we want to go back to how it "was"?
We're too stucked to how things were... How we felt secured and belonged to... It is more of the so-called familiarity of being with someone and the wanting to save the disastrous relationship because of it's length, and because of not wanting to waste our overbearing effort for surpassing all the challenges we have gone through together. We do not try different paths all because of our comfort zones. We are such scaredy-cats from going out of our usual routes, fearing that other ways are unpaved. We want smooth and seamless roads...
The big question is, how will we know if it's worthwhile or not by not even trying? We are always given opportunities... whether to correct our mistakes or try to change the direction of our lives. Yet, how come do we refuse to let go?
What exactly do we need to do to let go?
Acceptance. This is the start. This is where everything will fall into place. You have to accept that things change. You simply need to accept the truth... that it is over.. and nothing can be done. You can't live in the past. The reality is what you are in now and what you have become in the present. And this is in preparation for a better future. Embrace the pain but do not nurture it. It is definitely fine to be hurt because that clearly indicates that you're a breathing human being.
Be thankful of the memories - whether good or bad. I bet not all were arguments that might have led to heartache . There were happy times, too. Do not dwell too much on the downside of the relationship. Be thankful of the laughter, experiences that you had together, as well as the not-so-great ones. After all, learning and growing were achieved from these experiences.
Make yourself busy. Try to be busy as you can that you will not have time to think of how you were left alone. You can engage yourself into any of your favorite sports. If you are as an athletic as a post like myself, then try something else: baking, write a book or two, put up a blog site, go to different places, or hang out with your buddies, those who are specially good spirited friends, those who are optimistic so they can spread the positive outlook on you.
Mind over heart. This is now when you need to have the power to control your life. No matter how you think of it, you are the own author of your life. No one is left responsible for your life but yourself. If you make a mess out of your life because of being heartbroken, your friends will guide you, but then again, it is still you who has the final say on how you want your life to become. Never blame anyone or anything for what happened in your life because you have full control on how you want your story to end. If you really want to get rid of the pain, if you want to let go, then it's only a matter of mindset.
Help yourself. Love yourself more. Focus on changing your future by not dwelling in the past.
Let go, without turning your back, and move forward. :)
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